Why a daughter needs a mom

I have the book that I gave Mom a few years ago for Mother's Day. It's titled 100 reasons Why a Daughter Needs a Mom. I went through and put a star next to my favorite reasons for her. A daughter needs a mom:

Who is never more than a phone call away.

To tell her not to be afraid to seize the moment.

To tell her the road to happiness is not always straight.

To teach her to laugh at herself.

To show her how to use humor to lighten heavy loads.

To tell her not to let pride get in the way of forgiving someone.

To love her for who she is.

To show her how to love someone with all her heart.

To show her the comfort of a warm embrace. (XXOO)

To listen closely to what troubles her.

To teach her that she is responsible for her own happiness.

To teach her to not let a good day slip from her fingers.

Because without her she will have less in her life than she deserves.

XXOO

I dreamt about Mom two nights ago.  I already don't remember the details.  I just remember seeing her and talking to her and hugging her.  I woke up and tried to go back to sleep so that I could see her again but it didn't work.  I haven't dreamt about her in so long so this hit me like a rock.  I couldn't shake it.  Yesterday, I found myself choking back tears constantly.  I'm feeling better today but I really haven't felt this sad in a while.  One way I deal with my emotions is by forcing myself to think of something else, just like Scarlett O'Hara (one of mom and I's favorite characters) would say "I can't think about that now.  I'll think about it tomorrow."  But I'm really struggling this time.  I'm sure it's the anxiety about next week which will be one year since we lost her. 

I think another way that I manage my grief is that I subconsciously pretend that I just haven't spoken to her in a while.  This was not unusual.  We didn't talk on the phone every day because we always lived far apart and the time difference always made it hard to catch each other.  I usually only saw her a few times a year.  They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and the embrace that we would share when we saw each other again was proof of this.  She would always give me the biggest hug and kiss and I don't care what age you are, nothing feels warmer than a hug from your mom.  I often think of her in airports and remember the feeling of seeing her for the first time in a while and walking into one of her big hugs.  I really miss those hugs.  My dream made me miss her that much more because I woke up wanting the real thing, the feel of her hug and a kiss on my cheek.

My lip gloss is poppin'

I'm not a huge fan of lipstick because I like a little shine and find that lip gloss is just easier to apply. NARS Lip Gloss is hands down my favorite. They have great pigment and aren't super sticky. My go-to color is "Sweet Revenge" which is close to "Orgasm" (their top seller) but without the shimmer.

La Vie Est Belle

So many wonderful things are happening around me to people that I love and care about. Milestone birthdays, pregnancies, new babies, new homes, new jobs, promotions, higher education, marriages and engagements. It occurred to me this week that I feel a genuine sense of happiness that I haven't felt in some time. Despite my grief and intermittent periods of sadness, I recognize there is, and will continue to be, plenty to be happy about. I recognize that joy can be found by sharing in the happiness and success of those around me. Not that I didn't value it before its just that its much more apparent and inspiring.

My mom's Facebook page has a quote that says "Life may not always be fair, but it is good". When faced with tragedy, trials or tribulations, its often hard to see the good but you have to remember it and let it pull you through. And at some point, when the worst of the storm is over, it's the good that keeps you moving forward.

For myself and many others, life will never be the same without my mom but life is still good. La vie est belle. Life is beautiful. I will forever carry those words with me, as did she...

Bumble and bumble. Styling Creme

I first picked up a trial size of the Styling Creme after reading over and over again about Bumble and bumble.'s cult following and decided I needed to try something myself.  As it turns out, the Styling Creme is amazing!  It's not a gel or a mousse but more like the love-child of the two! My hair is pretty thick already so I work in just a little at the roots before blow drying for added oomph. If you have fine hair, I imagine this would give all over body. When I want to go curly, I apply it by "scrunching" it into wet hair for soft but defined curls without that "crunchy" feeling like you too often get with mousse.

Sephora recently started carrying B&b products or you can get it straight from the B&b website. Both offer free shipping and free samples on orders over $50. Target carries some of the B&b line but not sure if they carry the Styling Creme.

If anything, go check out the B&b website for great styling tips and the entire product lineup. Their "surf spray" is a fan fave. I have yet to try. Let me know if you have!

My first beauty product review goes to....

St. Ives Apricot Scrub! 

I've probably been using this product since my early teens so probably longer than any other beauty product.  I recently recommended it to my sister who claimed to have some white bumps on her face and asked what might help.  I told her she needed to exfoliate and to get St. Ives.   It's so affordable and available at any drug store.  I keep it in my shower and use it a few times a week for my face, neck and décolleté. You don't need to dig it into your skin, the grain of the grit (crushed walnut shell) is large enough to just lightly exfoliate.  You may have read cautionary tales about this stuff "scratching" your skin but I can't imagine that happening unless you are digging it in with ridiculous effort!  In addition to their original formula, that also have a sensitive skin version and blemish fighting formula with salicylic acid.

After my sister used the St. Ives scrub, she texted me and said her skin cleared right up.  Because I had been talking forever about my blog idea for beauty product reviews, she told me to get on it!   Naturally (no pun intended), I felt compelled to make the St. Ives scrub my first review.  XXOO

Finding my "Joie de Vivre"

2012. It's a new year. 2011 was a tough year. In fact, I would say it was the worst year of my life. My beautiful, smart, funny and loving mother past away in May. Typing that is hard for me. I hate saying it. I think of her every day but avoid saying it because saying it makes it that much more real. When I talk about her with friends and family, they just know. But, I don't bring "it" up with new people because again, I hate saying it and I try to avoid the emotions. I know talking about it is good for me but actually saying it out loud, that she is gone, is more than I can handle because I still can't believe it's real. Grief is by far the most raw and consuming emotion that I've experienced. But, as my mother believed, our emotions are what make us human and experiencing human emotions allows us to learn about ourselves, who we are and who we want to be.

I have continued to allow myself happiness, despite the grieving and sorrow, because I know my mom would have wanted me to continue living my life. To her, living is more than just breathing, living is being. I don't think I'm through with grieving, nor do I think I ever will be, but I am ready to continue living my life, to simply "be" and appreciate this time I have been given on earth. I intend on finding my "joie de vivre".

Starting this blog was something I've wanted to do for a while. I'm hoping it will be an outlet to express my thoughts and opinions and a way to document my interests, hobbies and passions of the moment.

I dedicate my blog in loving memory of my mother, Robyn Ayn Strayer.

My beautiful mother