Finding my "Joie de Vivre"

2012. It's a new year. 2011 was a tough year. In fact, I would say it was the worst year of my life. My beautiful, smart, funny and loving mother past away in May. Typing that is hard for me. I hate saying it. I think of her every day but avoid saying it because saying it makes it that much more real. When I talk about her with friends and family, they just know. But, I don't bring "it" up with new people because again, I hate saying it and I try to avoid the emotions. I know talking about it is good for me but actually saying it out loud, that she is gone, is more than I can handle because I still can't believe it's real. Grief is by far the most raw and consuming emotion that I've experienced. But, as my mother believed, our emotions are what make us human and experiencing human emotions allows us to learn about ourselves, who we are and who we want to be.

I have continued to allow myself happiness, despite the grieving and sorrow, because I know my mom would have wanted me to continue living my life. To her, living is more than just breathing, living is being. I don't think I'm through with grieving, nor do I think I ever will be, but I am ready to continue living my life, to simply "be" and appreciate this time I have been given on earth. I intend on finding my "joie de vivre".

Starting this blog was something I've wanted to do for a while. I'm hoping it will be an outlet to express my thoughts and opinions and a way to document my interests, hobbies and passions of the moment.

I dedicate my blog in loving memory of my mother, Robyn Ayn Strayer.

My beautiful mother